brettney spears susan

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Mystery Guests Expected

crop circle

As the big day draws ever nearer, strange things would appear to be afoot at the proverbial "Circle K." Friday evening's normal run out to the proposed ceremony site, "just to check," as Brett explained, revealed a perfectly circular pattern burned into the Montana earth.  Several curious triangles lie within the outer ring, but otherwise the field is untouched.  No footprints or signs of machinery can be found within one hundred yards of the pattern. "I know we said we were inviting everyone," Susan remarked to her fiancé, "but, did you have to use the ham radio?"

Brett's 16th B-Day Bash
Wedding Plans within the Law

On Sunday, September 3, Brett celebrated his sweet sixteenth birthday with family and friends (those within several thousand miles), as well as the governor of Utah. The days events included relay races, softball, and the obligatory egg and cat toss. 

Utah Governor Mike Leavitt was on hand to personally present Brett with the Utah marriage license, not trusting the "godless Imperial mail system."  Utah officially annexed the field in which Susan and Brett are to be wed, so as to provide legal opportunity to tie the knot at so tender an age.

"I had to lie" Brett said, regarding his faith.  "He said he'd only go out on a limb for a good Latter-Day Saint. Though I do think that populating your own planet would be an amazing reward for a life of devout service."

the Top 10 gal (updated weekly)

Top 10 Reasons Brett NEEDS to Get Married


10. subscription to Paris Times mistakenly being addressed to mrs. B. Tallman
 9. recent dramatic increase in tuba soloing skill going unappreciated
 8. tired of sleeping in his car
 7. mr. bear catching on to his checkers strategy
 6. post office refuses to deliver mail order engine parts to any of his current forwarding addresses
 5. fortune cookie's veiled threats of bad luck for "immature bachelors"
 4. at least one of them will know how to check for oil
 3. hotels' increasing skepticism at multiple requests for extra towels
 2. can't finish the whole box of spaghetti himself
 1. running desperately low on clean socks and underwear

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