9.07.00 Eyewitnesses confirm that the a deafening roar could be heard blocks away from Susan's abode when the toilet in her small but tiny house exploded earlier. "The ground actually shook," Nancy W. explained. "My dog landed hard on his little hind end, and now he can't walk."
A tearful Susan explained that the basement was literally "showered with flying poops" as she ran for cover under the steps. The distraught bride-to-be spent the remainder of the day piecing through the wreckage of what was to be their wedding decorations.
"I guess it could have been the Mexican Bean Bake," Brett confessed when pressed for explanation. "I just, yeah, never would have imagined it. All my earthly possessions were down there, too." Last minute wedding guests may have to be relocated to neighbors' homes, or possibly even to Brett's tin pop trailer. "One more thing on the list for when we get back from our honeymoon. If we take one," the dumbfounded groom added.
Dillon plumber Mike Swanson could only shake his head. "In all my nineteen years, I've never seen anything like it. And I've seen lots of things, You name it: potatoes, small pets, lots of plug-ups, but never anything like this. Even the fumes are unbelievable."
The county sheriff's department still has not ruled out the possibility of foul play.
Rumor Confirmed: Britney to Sing at Wedding
9.08.00 Her closet faithful among Brett and Susan's circle of friends have finally seen the day arrive, and none too soon. Only this morning, Britney Spears' agent confirmed that the pop diva has accepted a request to sing at what is being called "the Montana Wedding of the Millennium." Her official fan site has also posted mention of a tour schedule adjustment on the weekend of the wedding.
"Sure, I'll do it, I guess," Britney replied in the two-minute interview she was willing to grant. "That guy called me, like, a hundred times in one week. Plus, this way I can satisfy my fan base in the Montana/Idaho area without having to do a full concert." Upon further questioning, her agent explained that the wedding date has been leaked to several fan discussion boards, and that up to 2,500 pre-teen girls can be expected to converge on the wedding festivities.
Top 10 Lines You Still Might Hear in the Vows
10. Lots of huggie-wuggies for my dinkum-winkums.
9. May the rain in Spain fall mainly on the plain in Montana.
8. Oops! I did it again.
7. No mention of your unspeakable bathroom habit will ever pass my lips.
6. Evermore shalt thou be mine, O cherished One.
5. Once a year, whether I need it or not.
4. Get along, little doggies!
3. Your heartbeat shall be my heartbeat.
2. And in the dark. And on a train. And in a car. And in a tree.
1. May the wind at your back never blow my way.