Pieta. Little Italy, 1933


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Girl Boy 

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Girl with Fish

10.09.01 Kent, Ohio  As hundreds worldwide logged on in eager anticipationtion, Mrs. Susan B. Downer Tallman completed approximately thirty-seven minutes of labor and brought a beautiful, shiny baby into an anxiously waiting world. 

Further details have been shrouded behind a veil of mystery, as Project WebChild kicks into high gear. Project WebChild--reportedly a late-night brainstorm of the proud papa--will allow the Tallmans' international fanclub to participate fully in the creation of the young'un's internet persona. "The responsibility is huge," Brett explained. "Something as simple as the choice of e-mail address can have lifelong consequences in todays internet-savvy world."

"Let alone all the other details that a child unable even to lift its own head is saddled with from the moment of birth," agreed the barely flushed Susan. "Brett ... we agreed that we have never needed our friends and family more than in this time of decisions."

"Please help us name our baby!" an exhausted Brett uttered before collapsing onto the Tallman duffel bags, revealing a dozen sets of hospital scrubs which had been hastily jammed beneath Susan's nightgown and hairdryer.

In a written statement released by their family attorney, these basic facts were clarified:

  1. Only one entry per person, per visit 
  2. Results will be compiled on October 24, 2001 at 10:00 p.m.
  3. Inventive names can be chosen from the categories of Colors, Foreign Language Words, Minerals, and Astronomy, only
  4. All decisions will be binding, except in the states of AZ, AL, CO, NJ, and WA
Ohio state law prohibits babies from being released from hospitals prior to completion of the birth certificate, so efforts are underway to convert one room in the maternity wing into an efficiency apartment, complete with kitchenette, for the new mother and child to await the completion of Project WebChild.

Negotiations with hospital administration for Brett to rent cot space in the laundry have stalled.


pirate eye

Copyright 2001 The Pirate Blackbeard.  Avast!
Last updated 10.22.01



Top 10 Nicknames for the Li'l Nipper

10. La Bebe No-Maybe
9. Whopper Jr.
8. Princess Poopsies
7. Smallman Tallman
6. Mugu Goo-goo
5. Little Sir Spitsalot
4. Have Diaper, Will Share
3. The Amish Mewling
2. Herr Gottmilk?
1. The Bubbling Bundle


It's a Boy?!