(This column was first published in the October 4,
1999 Buffalo News.)
The way the natural world works is firmly based in
logic and that logic,
the foundation of scientific thinking, forms an important part of a
child's world. Although their thoughts are usually simple and
straightforward, we can all learn from them. Here are some of their
truths, most of them picked up by teachers of primary grades:
- No matter how hard you try, you cannot baptize
- When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her
brush your hair.
- A pencil without an eraser might just as well be a
- When you are dressed like a princess, it is easier
to act like one.
- Fish don't make very good playmates.
- It is easier to see the mistakes on somebody else's
- Never trust your three year old brother to hold a
- Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a
- Don't sneeze when you are eating crackers.
- The best place to be when you are sad is grandma's
- It is hard to unlearn a bad word.
- If you want someone to listen to you, whisper.
- When you are in a real hurry to start eating, offer
to say grace.
- A snow day is more fun than a scheduled
- If your tree had apples last year, don't expect
pears this year.
- Your room gets smaller as you get bigger.
- If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a
- Never yell, "Last one in is a rotten egg!" unless
you are absolutely sure that there is a slower kid behind you.
- The best role in the pageant is the one that has
the fewest lines to memorize.
- Never expect your friends to be as excited about
your good grade as you are.
- Don't wear polka dot underwear under white
- Reading what people write on desks can teach you a
- You cannot trust dogs to watch your food.
- Felt markers are not good lipstick
- You can't be everyone's best friend.
- It's fun to play school when you're the
- Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same
- The time you most want to start over is when you
are losing the game.
You gain a greater appreciation
children's truths when you compare them with some adult label
instructions gathered by Bob Stuart:
- On a Sears hair dryer: Do not use while
- On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner. No
purchase necessary. Details inside.
- On a Dial soap box: Use like regular
- On some Swanson frozen dinners: Serving suggestion
- On a hotel-provided shower cap box: Fits one
- On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: Do not drive
a car or operate machinery.
- On Nytol: Warning may cause
- On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Open
packet, eat nuts.
- On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning keep out
- On a Swedish chain saw: Do not attempt to stop
chain with your hands.
- On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for
the other use.
- On a string of Christmas lights: For indoor or
outdoor use only.
- On the bottom of a Tesco's Tiramisu desert box: Do
not turn upside down.
- On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron
clothes on body.
- On Marks and Spencer bread pudding: Product will
be hot after heating.
Where did we lose our
way?-- Gerry Rising